Look around you. There are lots of fat people out there. Therefore, what I am hereafter calling the Carlin Rule applies: think of how stupid the average person is, then realize that half of them are stupider than that. Averages would indicate that the stupidest person you could think of would be a fat person a fairly decent percentage of the time, as fat people are a fairly decent percentage of the population.
Why am I droning on about this? Because apparently fat people don’t like Wall-E. Google “wall-e fat” and you’ll find a few sources and a lot more sources reporting on those sources. Such is the Internet. These people are stupid. World-class stupid.
Why?
Because Wall-E is absolutely one of the best movies I have ever seen, and you would have to be a cruel, inhuman monster to not want to hug the fuck out of it. I take that back: you’d have to be something greater than a cruel inhuman monster, because Furb liked it. (Sorry, Furb.) Wall-E himself is one of the most endearing characters that Pixar has ever created, and considering the fact that he has no functional dialogue per se, that is a massive achievement.
Visually every Pixar movie has been better than the last. This one is no exception, but it transitions from being visually evolutionary to being visually ballistic – they’ll blow your socks right the fuck off. Most animated pictures don’t work very hard to create large panoramic visuals, but this one starts off with them right up front. Perhaps they’re making a statement. Either way, it’s an impressive way to start the film and the amazing visuals just keep up from there.
While their moments of sentiment may be a bit contrived, they are certainly not handled in a ham-handed way. There was one very specific moment when the theatre was entirely dead silent – adults, kids, everyone, hanging on a single word. Some people say that this movie left out the subtle brand of adult humor Pixar’s previous movies included, but I’d say that in this case they changed up the adult humor in favor of geek humor. There are some things in there that are obviously there because of their appeal to computer geeks or movie geeks, and they will make you grin a lot.
Go check out its RT or Metacritic score. I’ll wait. It’s obvious people are taken in by this film. Unless you’re the aforementioned heartless monster, you will be too. It’s wonderful, endearing, takes on large social issues and is simply massive in scope, but manages to at the same time be simple and emotional and absolutely fucking astounding. I want to see it again.
And because as a fat man I seem to feel the absurd need to justify the stupid claims made by my fat “peers” (please take that term as loosely as possible) it is made clear in the film that sloth, not fat, is the source of many of the problems created in the film. Fat is simply a side effect. I don’t see anything wrong with that whatsoever. In fact, if there is an absurdity to be had here, it’s that given a choice, people in the movie choose not to be lazy. That would never, ever fucking happen in real life.
I can prove it.
I’m publishing this fucking article. 