One bourbon, one scotch, and one mav

Fuck

I finished Deathly Hallows about 5 minutes ago.

Some years back, when I saw the first Potter movie, I decided to start reading the books. As a justification, I used the fact that my first college English professor, David West, had enjoyed them quite a lot - and if someone as well-versed in literature as himself could enjoy them, then by god, I could too. I have not regretted a single moment of time spent reading any of the books.

In addition, people who regret endings bother me a lot. As change is an inevitable part of existence, so is conclusion, and those who fail to embrace it seem to deny themselves the joy that can be found in a particularly wonderful conclusion. There really are few things greater than a conclusion that successfully draws together all the plot threads that dangled so tantalizingly throughout the previous stories, explains the previous suspicions and theories, and still manages to be original, interesting, and let’s not forget fucking kick-ass.

Deathly Hallows is such a particularly wonderful conclusion. In fact, I can say honestly that short of the last episode of Babylon 5 - Sleeping in Light (which I still can’t watch without tearing up) - this is the best conclusion to anything that I have had the pleasure to read.

I can’t possibly picture this book as a film. It simply isn’t possible. All the pieces that were casually left out of the movies - such as SPEW - come in to play here in crucial ways, if only for a moment.

Thank you, JK, for such a wonderful time.

I just finished up all of the BBS Documentary, and boy, oh boy, did it bring back memories. Also, it’s just really fucking good. Perhaps it’s a callout to all the Michael Moores in the world that this guy was able to take an XL1 and make them look amateurish, but boy was it refreshing to see real fucking interviews for a change.

Any rate, I had to look up thedraw (apparently thesoft is gone, since everybody and their dog seems to have thedraw up for download.) I wonder if we still have the Indigo Base space station somewhere on those old quarter-inch backup tapes I found… And anybody remember TERMINATE? Or that wacky pseudo-bogus version of TERMINATE that had the war dialer built in? Or DESQview? I managed to salvage the ol’ copies of Wildcat!, I’ll be keeping them on my precious antiques shelf for a while.

Anyway, as a flashback to those of you out there who’ve been around forever and ever and ever and have your “I’m ancient and I won’t ever be worth anything to the computer industry save possibly figuring out a way to inject caffeinated beer directly into your carotid artery,” here are the DEAD DOCS! While reading about the inebriated, and thus questionably recalled, adventures of the Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions team is fun for some of us, if you aren’t a computing antique, 99% of the jokes will probably fly over your head.

Too bad for you.

Fair warning: None of this fucking shit is worksafe.

Perhaps you are interested in the social sciences. Maybe you enjoy watching racing so you can see cars crash. Possibly you can’t just get rid of that morbid curiosity you grew into when you were in high school listening to Nine Inch Nails and cutting yourself to feel. Or maybe you are an ugly, lonely fucker like myself and you really want to make yourself feel better.

If you qualify for any of this shit you really should watch Guys and Dolls: the story about people who own RealDolls. Perhaps you don’t know what a RealDoll is: then you should click here.

I could think of several things to say here, but I really don’t see the point. You can’t argue with such a delusional mind.

But you can watch in stunned silence.

So I spent an hour watching Ron Paul@Google, and if anything, it was a really good interview.

The whole Libertarian ideal scares the shit out of me. Why, you ask? Well, if I could pick one thing more evil than government, it’d be big business. Religion is scary, but it’s far less so when it’s not our de facto government.

I guess I’ll never get it - perhaps one of the more well-read Libertarians out there could educate me as to how the market would deal with a monopoly. Since they basically survive on being able to be less interoperable than anyone else, wouldn’t Microsoft thrive even more in an unregulated market? In addition, Dr. Paul’s discussion about healthcare just sounds absolutely terrifying. Perhaps there were lots of hospitals that would help you for free back in the 50’s, but there sure as fuck aren’t now. Education, too - universities dribble out scholarships now, it’s big business. How could students afford to go to school?

Paul’s fondness for the days of his youth are clear. These are not the days of his youth, nor are these the days of the 19th century.

Oh, and there were robber barons then too.

While I was busy being busy, the centennial of Robert Heinlein’s birth slipped right by me. On 7/7/07, Heinlein would have been 100 years old. A group of Heinlein aficionados gathered in Kansas City to celebrate the 100th year of his influence on the world. They had quite the guest list, from the chairman of NASA, to Ben Bova, to Sir Arthur C. Clarke (via video, of course.)

Heinlein was, along with Clarke and Asimov, one of the grandfathers of modern science fiction. Influenced by authors like H.G. Wells, he wrote early stories about grand space adventures. His arguably most influential work, though, came from his middle years, and books like Starship Troopers, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, and of course, the extremely controversial Stranger in a Strange Land. In those books, he used sci-fi as a vehicle to talk about everything from sex to government, although his strongest points were about the power of libertarianism.

(Seriously, everybody should have read those three books at least once.)

In additon, to date The Moon is a Harsh Mistress is the best book I have ever read. Perhaps I’ll find a better one someday, or perhaps the excitement will fade. But I’ve read it so many times I can’t even make a fair guess as to a number, and it never gets less good. I can read it in a weekend, and what an enjoyable weekend it is. If the Libertarian ideal that exists in that book existed in modern society, it might be the perfect society.

But it doesn’t, because people don’t function with rational self-interest. People are inherently irrational, and nearly reason-proof. Anyone who’s read Stranger could bear witness to the fact that it would almost certainly be banned by many schools were the urge to ban books again en masse ever to be resurrected.

If Heinlein was alive, I’d ask him this question:

“How did you not let the mass stupidity get you down?”

Because in the end, his books were so special because he described through them a promise which I can’t see in humanity. He did get awfully preachy sometimes, but he really never did let the stupid win - he was convinced we could be a better people than we are. I guess that’s the closest a non-religious person will ever get to faith.

It’s “State the bloody fucking obvious” Day, sponsored by Violent Acres.

Now, I loves me some VA. In fact, it makes my crummy day just a little bit better when I see “Violent Acres” in bold on Google Reader, because I know V has posted something new and (usually) interesting and I will most likely enjoy reading it quite a bit.

In a strange turn of events, she posted today about the fact that Starbucks really doesn’t give any sort of tangible reward to someone who is complimented by a customer. This seems like such a blatant Captain Obvious moment I’m going to break my moratorium on posting about work and… well, post about work.

Honestly, if I got a reward for every time I’ve gotten a customer letter in the last year, and then invested that reward properly, I could retire 5 years earlier. I don’t mean to toot my own horn (ask my friends, my self-esteem has been MIA for decades now) but I’ve gotten quite a number of them lately. And they have to date netted me precisely not a goddamn thing, outside of the senior manager “Way to go! Now get back to work!” note.

If you work in a job where terminating you on the spot would cost less than paying you a year’s wage, then you are disposable. This is the way it is. I work in a job like that. I’ve got no illusions - the managers that e-mail me every time I get a customer letter didn’t give a flying fuck about me 5 minutes before they sent that e-mail, and won’t care about me 5 minutes after. And if you’ve somehow disillusioned yourself to the extent that you think customer’s compliments matter, to steal a phrase from Die Hard 3 - either you’ve got some serious personal issues, or not all your dogs are barking.

(If my manager was here, he would undoubtedly spout out a crudely-worded 45-minute lecture about the fact that anybody would kill to do my job, so I shouldn’t bitch about the fact that I don’t get anything special for doing it. He’s such a heartwarmer. With a bedside manner like that, he really should have been a doctor.)

Customer compliments matter to me, though. In fact, I might go so far as to say that customer compliments (both in-house and directly customer-facing) are the only reason I can drag my heavy ass out of bed and go to work. Having a tech tell me “You rock, Mav” or a customer say “You saved the day!” is the only reward that I get. I know that sounds really sappy, but hey, I’m a sappy kinda guy.

Here’s the important part. Pay attention, dammit, because here’s the part about the article I really like.

If you are one of the zillion or so people who call, e-mail, or otherwise interact with some large corp’s customer-facing staff, and you get some sort of “On a scale from one to nine” type of survey afterward, fill it out. Please. Corporations live on statistics, and the job of the person you spoke with is very likely directly related to the numbers they turn up every month. Those managers who don’t give a fuck about your letter will sit entranced looking at your stats. Those actually are worth money - at least where I work, even though it’s not very much.

Yay, my MBP is back! Called Apple, talked to a really nice girl that sounded kinda hot, got a new battery. Battery problems are gone, big fucking shock.

Pluses:

• Apple hold music isn’t great music, but it is actual music, as opposed to the godawful distorted muzak shit we play.
• Excellent order tools. One big page shows me all the info about my part, when it was requested, how it shipped, and return info too so I can check up on it.
• Nice, seemingly intelligent, honest (she admitted she didn’t have an Apple yet, but was saving for a Macbook) rep - if a bit inexperienced. Everybody has to start somewhere. Plus, you can’t really train “giving a damn.” That’s environmental.
• Quick troubleshooting. (I purposely never play the “I know all about computers, dearie” card because I know how I react to it. I just shut the fuck up and do what they tell me, and try to have things they need prepared in advance. My serial number? Sure, I have it right here. It’s one-alpha-two-uniform… Really makes you realize how much bitchy customers really drag the fuck out of calls.)
• Neat packaging. (I would have expected nothing less..)

Minuses:

• Fifteen minute hold time.
• Three fucking days to ship.

All in all, Apple continues to prove themselves superior by simply doing their job well - they’re not perfect, but they’re far closer to perfection than most. If that’s where the price premium goes, so much the better.

Admittedly, the iPhone concept is growing on me, but apparently it’s growing on Tom faster.

I’ve read about Mr. Rogers’ acceptance speech at the Daytime Emmys before, but now I get to watch it.

So do you.

If you ever wondered what a lifetime of trying to make the world better looks like, watch this.