I have basically been doing nothing but fucking up for the last decade or so, but it’s been far worse in the last two or three years. It’s like I learn nothing from history. For example, I turned down one job (which I admittedly disliked, but at least it had promotional opportunity) for another job because I thought it might have at least a chance for promotion. Let me share with you the e-mail I got yesterday regarding my possible promotion:
Dear Mav:
-Mgmt
It is now more clear than ever that I made a mistake of teriffic proportions changing jobs. I should have never left my old job. It was shitty, long hours and poor pay, but at least I was good at it, unlike my new job, which I apparently totally suck at.
goes the inevitable cry of the Macless. Well, it isn’t normally my nature to indulge people like that, but this is too cool to not check out. Peep this:
The 200+ new features of Tiger
There’s something on this list for everyone. My favorite so far: “Burn CD and DVD disk images for any supported file system.”
God, that guy’s fucking annoying. And he’s always with the letting me down.
Happy now? 
Another year older, and deeper in debt.
I didn’t even manage to post on my birthday. How utterly pathetic.
I can’t seem to break myself out of the depression I’ve been in for the last couple of months. It just seems like my life is going down the can, and I can’t figure out what to do about it. Can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I’m getting fucking old, and I’ve fucked up so badly in the last year that I’ll probably never see a good job ever again. I’ll end up stuck, like my dad, in some dead-end worthless job until I finally just end up dead.
It’s weird, because I just can’t bring myself to do anything. Even during this Cisco shit, it was all I could do just to go to class. There’s just this colossal weight that I can’t seem to shake off, and I don’t know what to do anymore.
If that sounds depressing, imagine being in my fucking head. It’s all I can do these days to get through a day without just curling up in a little ball and crying for a while.
