Feb 04

Commitment is scary

Tag: Uncategorized — mav @ 8:57 am

So, as some of you know, for the last several weeks I’ve been thinking about going back to my old job. They made me a fair offer, it’d be a tough, challenging job, and look very good on a resume. And I just called and turned it down, after jerking my ex-boss around for quite some time (something I will feel bad about for a long time, no doubt.)

Why?

Because. (more)

I got up this morning and called in to my present employer, thinking that I was going to drive down to my previous employer, have lunch with them and talk about my job offer. And then it hit me: I didn’t want to go. Why? In the end I don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to deal with the environment. Maybe I don’t want to do the drive. I guess I’m the world’s largest slacker. It’s not so much that I’d miss my present job so much as that I just don’t want to deal with responsibility.

Does that make me an immense slacker? Without question, yes.

Does that make me a loser? Probably. But then again, we all know I’m a loser. It’s not like I’ve disguised that fact very well.

I can’t figure out what the fuck I want to do with my life. And I keep thinking that I could be adequately employed doing nearly anything, but that I can’t seem to find out what I’m happy doing. Fuck, I was happiest when I had the computer store, it just didn’t make any goddamn money. So I’m not sure what I want to do, but I do know one thing: I shouldn’t curse anyone with my indecisiveness. The call center can afford to have an indecisive jackhole working for them; they have thousands of employees, and one guy who’s a little slow on the draw won’t matter at all in the grand scheme. My previous employer, however, can’t afford to have someone who isn’t 100% there. It would be unfair to them.

So, that bridge is burned, and I’m now either a call-center employee or nothing. I still don’t know what the fucking fuck of a fuck (yay filled quota) I want to do but at least I won’t be fucking with anybody else’s world while I attempt to figure it out.

So, in a way, this is a victory. In another, it’s fuck