People have been asking. It goes, that’s about it.
I started this job, even though Dell had a position waiting for me, justifying it with the following three things: (1) it had the potential to be genuinely interesting, (2) it would eventually pay better and (3) it looks good on a resume.
Problems follow: I can’t seem to squeeze my brain enough to make my job interesting. The kicker is that we are doing some really interesting shit, I just can’t bring myself to be interested in it. It doesn’t pay better right now, and as of this moment, I’m not sure it ever will.
The kicker for me is that my boss doesn’t seem to like me, and I’m not quite sure why. He strikes me as a very angry person - we can recognize our own. He takes it to extremes, though, being hostile with myself and with other team members and it’s really starting to grate on my nerves. I hesitate to say anything about anything now, it’s like talking to my dad.
So I guess I’m back in the market, sorta.
because my pissing and moaning is really starting to piss me off. So it’s time for a plan.
I need to get a job that is at least functional, something I canat least deal with going to on a daily basis. I’ve got to get the crap worked out with my student loans. Then I might have a chance to figure out what the hell I want to do (because working with computer shit for the rest of my life is liable to drive me fucking insane.
Then I can piss and moan with a clear conscience.
I always wonder what it must be like to make something that is loved by many. Whether it happens by accident or whether it can be planned.
Take for example the film sequence in Kill Bill, Volume One from the point at which Kiddo and Hanzo enter the attic through the trap door, to the point where Hanzo turns over his most perfect sword to her.
That particular scene - especially the sequence from the trap door to “I like baseball” is so perfectly crafted, so well-balanced, that one doesn’t simply watch it; it’s such a captivating scene that you want desperately to just jump in and swim around in it for a while.
Continue reading “Creating perfection”
Holy shit, there’s a Shawshank 10th Anniv. DVD! I didn’t even know until tonight, when Mom and I were walking through Costco and I saw it. Had to buy it. It’s got a bunch of shit, including documentaries about how the movie affected people, commentary by Darabont, and a bunch of other shit. I won’t get to watch it until this weekend, but fuck, a special edition of what is arguably the best movie ever deserves at least one post.
Lately, it seems like that’s all I ever do. I did this thing wrong or I don’t do this thing very well or I get too upset over little things or I need to make sure to do this first or I can’t fix this because I’m not familiar with that system (and somehow that’s my fault, too.). I’m honestly not particularly sure why I’m still employed, given the massive amount of shit I’ve managed to fuck up in the last five weeks I don’t know why I haven’t been run out on a rail.
Welcome to my life. If I make it through December it’ll be a miracle.
On top of it all: I got a jury duty summons last week. Apparently Twin Falls County wants me to serve because of my deep conviction about the justice and accuracy of the system.
I was surfing eBay last night, and in a moment of pure weakness I broke down and bought a used Palm Tungsten T. I’ve been eying a T3 or T5 for a while, but didn’t want to throw down the zillion or so dollars for a new one. At the same time, I didn’t want to buy a bunch of accessories I was going to have to throw out, so when I saw this used T for $110 I couldn’t resist.
Paypal was doing some weird shit, though, and even though I was able to put through the payment I still haven’t gotten an acknowledgement to that effect.
Any rate, I was sitting here this evening wondering what was going on when the seller called me to tell me that he just wanted me to know that he wasn’t just ignoring me, that Paypal was fucked on his end too and he couldn’t verify the payment, so he would check again in the morning and let me know.
That’s pretty damned cool.
I realized that today when I was, as per usual, hanging out at my grandparents’ house today with my family. As I listened to them talk, I realized that while (for the most part) they are very nice people, they aren’t particularly intellectual. They really don’t spend much time thinking about the whys and wherefores, and spend most of their time thinking about whether something fits into their little idea of what life should be.
Continue reading “I don’t give life enough credit”
