One bourbon, one scotch, and one mav

So I’m sitting up at my grandparents’ house on Christmas day, minding my own business, when my mom tosses a bundle of letters at me and proudly announces that “they’re the Christmas letters for this year.”

Now, normally I don’t pay too much attention to them.

Frankly, they don’t mean much to me at all. Most of the time they bore me to death - I mean, most of the people who are writing these letters I vaguely remember, and I don’t really give a shit that their fucking kid got straight A’s this year or got accepted to Joe’s School of Trucking and Beer. Either that or they make me feel like shit - one of my cousins (a couple years younger than myself) is starting her 8th year in school and a Ph.D. program. Geez, am I that old?

[B]{MAV’S SUBCONSCIOUS: A BRIEF INTERRUPTION IN THE WEIRDNESS STREAM}[/B]
Yes, jackhole, you are that old. Fucking get used to it already. Most fucking TA’s are your age - and they’re in masters programs.
{RESUME STREAMING}

So here I set, surrounded by teetotalers and Jesus freaks, feeling about as out of my fucking element as possible. Because not only are these people totally alien to me, but they’re also my family. Go figure. So I’m sitting here thinking…

I should write a Christmas letter. Everybody I know that really gives a flaming shit about me reads my damn page anyway, I should just put it on there. I wonder if that’s a good idea.

{MAV’S SUBCONSCIOUS: A BRIEF INTERRUPTION IN THE WEIRDNESS STREAM}
Don’t you dare write that stupid fucking ass letter, ass.
{RESUME STREAMING}

Sure, it’s a great idea. So here I go, writing.

Writing writing writing. Dum dee dum dum dee dum…

So I’ve spent three semesters in college and I still don’t have a fucking idea what in the hell I want to do. I’m learning what I’m good at, and what I’m not, but unfortunately the shit I’m not good at is the shit I want to do, so now I’m totallly fucking lost. Dammit. Lost to the tune of $12,000. Mav is totally fucking screwed, doo-dah, doo-dah. My credit’s down the fucking tubes, oh, whoopdy shit.

During my last semester I got a B in the one class I wanted an A in. If I’d known I was going to end up with a B no matter what I did, I wouldn’t have worked nearly as hard. Possibly the worst thing ever to have happen is to put a lot of your time and effort into something only to be given the big “FUCK YOU!” and told to go pound sand. Let this be a lesson to you, kids: never work hard, ever, unless you’re doing something you’re genuinely interested in. Hard work ain’t worth shit unless it matters to you, because nobody else is ever going to give you any recognition, EVER, for the work you do. And CS113 can go fuck itself, because it just made me not give a shit about how I do in my classes. Damn, and I was on such a streak.

Modern society is going through a tremendous change, a change that will affect the way we all work, live and think, a change of such magnitude that the world hasn’t seen since Gutenberg came up with some dipshitty thing that he called a Printing Press. Oh, and nobody gives a shit. You know what? FUCK EVERYBODY. If some bunch of jackasses can’t pull their collective heads out of their collective assholes for long enough to know they’re getting totally fucked over by industry, I’m not going to bother to try and educate them. Nobody wants to learn, anyway. After all the screaming, yelling and attempts at civil debate, piracy and rockin the ganj are both still felonies, and nobody learns nothin’. Fuck society. Twice.

{BRIEF INTERRUPTION IN THE WEIRDNESS STREAM: MAV BICKERING WITH HIS OWN SUBCONSCIOUS}

You shouldn’t write anything about LANs in Twin. You’ll ruin the 5-day.

Fuck the 5-day. I’m pissed. Real pissed.

Yeah, but you shouldn’t let that ruin the lan.

So? It’s going to make everybody mad before or after it so fuck ‘em, either they’re comfortable with themselves enough to stand the truth or they aren’t, and nothing you say or do is going to change it.

Damn you Subconscious. I’ll get you next time.
{RESUME STREAMING}

Nobody ever reads this goddamn page, anyway.

I think this is going to be the last lan I plan in Twin. I have no feel for what’s going on and it’s pretty much blatantly obvious at this point. The whole point of starting LANs was to have a party that excluded nobody, and now we’re going to end up excluding a fairly large fucking group of people. In the end there’s nobody to blame but myself, since this was all my fault. Sorry to everyone we left out, it was entirely due to my own ignorance and wasn’t due to anything else anybody did. I’ll try and learn from my mistakes and do better next time. If I ruined anybody’s break I’m sincerely sorry. Feel free to flame me into oblivion, it’s no less than I deserve.